Written on 2024-04-01 at 8:35 a.m.

Maybe I’m just selfish for wanting her so much to myself, but the amount of time she spends talking to him, is almost too much for me. It makes me hateful towards him. That maybe he should consider my feelings more than he does. I feel alone and unwanted sometimes and I hate that. They only started dating but these 6+ hour video chats are enough to really drive me over the edge. But yeah, think I’m just overly selfish to feel so much jealousy and hate because of how much effort she puts in that relationship and I feel like our relationship is suffering for it. Maybe I wish she would take more time to notice me lately.

I’ve been trying so hard to be understanding. Maybe it’s the lack of sex, time and effort. I know sex isn’t everything but it is something when it never happens unless I beg for it. This is poly life I guess, and it’s far from easy the past month. Why do I feel like this? Why do I feel so much damn jealousy? Why do I feel like I’m so cranky all the time? Maybe I just want more attention from her. Ugh I hate this.

Wouldn’t trade my marriage for the world to be honest, it’s just hard navigating my feelings and the balance is hard. I just wish I felt more wanted at times. My anxiety is bad today and I’m exhausted. I hope it’ll pass :( I know I need to start doing things for myself and keeping myself occupied.


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My name is Shandi. I am a 15 year old Canadian. I am in Level One, and I go to MMC. I am a soft-hearted person because I care a lot for people. I am shy, but when you get to know me, you'll think differently(most of the time). I have amazing friends, and they complete my life!

Loves Billy Talent.bright colors. Summer Vacation.drawing. being late nights.television. computer

smoke.drugs.early mornings. badmoods.homework.failing. being sad.plastics. people who don't care about how other feel.losing my best friend for a stupid reason. when my friends are upset at me. not knowing what to do. rainy days.